I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
