Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
