$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
