I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
