listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
