Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
