very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize