apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
