yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
