I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
