R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
