I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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