Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize