I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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