can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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