My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
