Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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