the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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