i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
there is glitter all over my balls
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
