Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
