Soap is not a condiment
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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