He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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