I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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