I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
