people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
