so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
