i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dear god my vagina.
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