Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize