Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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