awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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