he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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