What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
