it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
