I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
