You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We need to get me chipped asap
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
