I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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