You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
