fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
