I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
