Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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