but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
