Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
