idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
