We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
