I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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