i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
