I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so let's talk penis.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
