So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
