Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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