so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
