i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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