Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
