im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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