at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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