Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
