Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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