Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize