Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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