lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
