she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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