see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
