I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
