the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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