My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
