Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
