I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
