So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
