Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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