dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
