I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
