I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
