I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
