Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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