i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
