your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We are two peas in an std pod
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
