So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
