ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
