It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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