Your dad touched me again.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
