I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
