Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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