i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You made out with two different species that night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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