then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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