Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize