I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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