I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
