I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
a search helicopter?!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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