no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
