Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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