Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
