Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
