Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
