3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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