is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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