So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
