is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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