he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
