The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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