Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
