You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
