Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
