I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
