Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think i got beer on your cat.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
