I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
