Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
