His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
