Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
