she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
