I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
