Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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