I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
