the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
