Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I believe in your delicious
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
