I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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