It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
