I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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