I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize