do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
