I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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