I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Text me some of your sweat
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
