I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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