You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im calling her cock vulture from now on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
