Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
