You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
