Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
