an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
