if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize