Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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