I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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