No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
