My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
