i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
